Civility in an Uncivil World
- Lynn Chefren
- Oct 28, 2020
- 3 min read
2020 has been a year filled with unexpected challenges. While many have risen to face the challenges with grace and kindness, I have seen more and more incivility and plain rudeness.
People whom I know were raised with manners and respect have acted in the most disrespectful ways during the last few months. Many of their actions have centered around the 2020 election, which has brought out a zealousness in the American people I have never experienced.
In my last blog post I delved into the trend of American's believing that anyone who doesn't share their world view is wrong. During this election cycle, individuals are attacking others for expressing their political views with viciousness.
I agree that some people build their political views on a shaky foundation - they don't like one candidate because they "heard they don't support this issue" or worse because look "funny." With intentional disinformation campaigns on the national, state, and even the local levels it takes effort to be an informed voter.
But you will not win someone over to your side by calling them stupid, uneducated, idiots, or worse. Being civil, having an open, honest, and polite discussion appears to be a fading skill.
In the practice of law, we often come across opposing parties and opposing counsel who's views are entirely opposed to our own - that's why we became opposing parties.
I have dealt with opposing parties who understand we are both doing our duties to represent our clients to the best of our abilities without it being "personal". That is our job. These are the attorneys you are relieved to see on a document because you know you can work with them to the best result for all parties.
I've also dealt with opposing parties and clients that take the view that I and/or my clients are inherently evil because we are in opposition. These individuals take the adversarial aspect of the law to the extreme. These are the attorneys I dread seeing their name come up on a pleading because I know the matter will be exponentially more difficult.
In law and life, reputation is everything. Your actions are everything. Establishing a pattern of behavior is essential. If you are uncivil or down right rude to people, it will come back to you.
Christine Porath, PhD, an Associate Professor at the McDonough School of Business at Georgetown University, contends that "incivility is a virus" passed along from one person to others.
Porath's research shows that when individuals experience rudeness they are less motivated and will reduce the effort put into a task. I can attest to this - when I have to deal with one of those dreaded other attorneys, I'll put it off as long as possible. I avoid having to deal with them.
There are ways to break the cycle. NBC News published an article "Why rudeness is so toxic - and how to stop it".
1) Acknowledge people and express appreciation.
2) Don't let rude behavior fester.
3) Avoid rude people.
4) Think about how your behavior will sit with others.
5) Apologize if you find yourself being rude.
6) Believe in decency.
7) Smile!
You can read more on each recommendation in the article. These aren't foolproof steps to cure rudeness but taking a little time to think about our behavior will allow us to set an example that is hopefully as catching a virus as incivility.
The practice of law isn't an easy one. There are days I want to throw something after getting an email or letter from opposing counsel - even the nice ones. But being able to control our response, look at things from the other side, and maintain an open, civil discourse is essential to obtaining the best outcome for all parties.
I feel building a relationship with my clients and opposing counsel is the only way to do the best job for my clients. I am building my personal reputation and that of CLBC every day. I won't always get it right but I keep trying.
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